The truth about motherhood

It’s been happening again.  God doesn't come right out and talk to me where I can hear him, but he makes me aware that he is talking to me and telling me stuff all the time.  For about the past two months he has been telling me I need to blog about motherhood, but I just kept dismissing it.  Or I would tell myself if one more woman says something to me about being a mom THEN I will blog about it.  Well, I’ve talked to probably 15 plus ladies about motherhood since I had John Brantley and we all have one common factor.

IT. IS. HARD!!!  I think I can say with much confidence if you think being a new mom is a walk in the park you are lying!!

 I've decided that the major problem with the whole issue is our society paints this perfect and wonderful picture of motherhood that’s all puppy dogs and pancakes.  You don’t see the screaming, the late nights, the diaper rashes, the fevers, the colic, the runny noses, the ear infections, the stitches, the complete meltdowns.  No one talks about the hormones, the stress, the sleep deprivation, the hormones, the anxiety, the hormones, the crying, the hormones, and the Jekyll and Hyde type attitudes that you feel.  It’s just not talked about!  Why???

I will be the FIRST to admit having a baby was a complete shock for me.  I had the room decorated, the clothes all organized, and everything ready for little Ford.  He came into this world four years ago and like a bombshell changed our lives.  There is absolutely nothing that can prepare a woman for the little bundle of joy that will completely rock your world to the core. 

I wanted nothing more than to be a mom and I consider it one of my greatest blessings and biggest accomplishments.  In all my reading and pre-baby research I think all the authors failed to mention that babies don’t typically like to sleep when adults do, like at night.  No one said that they scream and cry for no apparent reason.  Or that they like to get sick on Friday nights when you can’t go to the pediatrician until Monday.  I didn't get the heads up that I would feel like evil little Martians invaded my body and made me act strange, cry, and snap for no apparent reason.  Why didn't people tell me this??

Well, after I accepted my new normal we became a cute little family of three.  I eventually felt “normal” again and things ran smoothly.  Fast forward three years later out comes little John Brantley.  And ohhhh wow did the hormones, anxiety, and Jekyll and Hyde hit me again.  Having two kids was much harder than one.  The older one wanted attention and if I didn't give it to him I got the “mommy guilt”.  Then I felt guilty that I wasn't bonding with the new baby.  All the while I really just wanted a shower and some sleep.  Sleep… ha ha ha!!!  Yeah right, when your baby has colic, spits up, or is downright a bad sleeper you can forget about sleep.

It’s hard ladies!!!  It really is.  Men DO NOT GET IT!!!  Trey went back to work in less than an hour after we got home from the hospital with both babies.  I was fat, and couldn't even see my toes.  My insides had been taken out and rearranged after having a c-section and I was “supposed” to feel good and act normal.  Didn't happen.  It didn't happen for a lot longer after John Brantley.

I was scared to leave the house.  I freaked out that people would stare at me and judge me on how much weight I still had to lose.  I thought they’d think I looked tired and worn out.  I was!!!  I so badly wanted to feel and be normal.  I longed for normalcy and I swore it would never happen again.

People were so nice and came and brought food which I would consider a huge blessing to a new mom. I didn't want to visit with them because I was in a deep dark funk, but I did want that casserole.  I liked the people and truly appreciated their thoughtfulness, but I didn't want them touching my baby.  All babies pretty much look alike and do the same things for the first week or so of their life.  However, it’s the most amazing thing to onlookers when a little one is born.

I had a friend come and visit with me the week after I had John Brantley.  She had on shorts and a t-shirt…her very own clothes.  I was stuck wearing Trey’s clothes and feeling quite manly for fear of putting on my own.  I was scared I’d look like the Michelin man and they would press against my scar.  My friend was going to Wal-Mart.  I HATE Wal-Mart, but I wanted to go.  I wanted to be normal and do normal things.  I wanted to leave the house, but the anxiety and hormones were holding me down.

I might be striking a chord with some of you.  You might say, “Ohhh, I’m glad to know other moms feel this way.”  They do!!! I promise they do.  Everyone that I have talked to feels the pressure and stress of being a new mom.  It’s okay to admit it.  It’s a balancing act and for a while you feel like you’re not going to make it.  You will!!!!

Being a mom is hard.  Being a new mom is harder.  You have to find a good pace and make things flow nicely according to your family.  No, your figure might not ever look the same again, but that comes with the package.  There is such great joy, for me, knowing God entrusted me with two little lives to mold and make into Godly men.  I feel extremely blessed to be a mom.  No amount of pain, anxiety, or hormones could ever take away the wonderful bliss of motherhood.

The good news is, I am back to the old Jill.  Everything has settled, (we’d hope so after 10 months) and I feel like I can lead a normal life and make trips to Wal-Mart now.  All kidding aside, please know that if you are experiencing the craziness of being a new mom that things will straighten out.

Count your blessings, not your troubles!!!