Sunday, January 5, 2020

Four years later


I’m not an emotional person.   I’m very private about my feelings.  January 5th is not my favorite day.  I dread January 5th.  I dread all the days leading up to it.  It can make me emotional.  

January 5, 2016, my mother left this Earth.  For those of us still here it’s sad.  It’s heartbreaking.  There are days, still four years later, that I break down.  However, January 5 is also a good day.  It’s a sweet day and a day to rejoice.  Yes, my mother left me on that day, but she went to Heaven.  And Heaven for my mother and for me means, eternity.  It means no end....Eternal peace and happiness.  It means no more cancer, chemo, pain, or suffering.  It means everlasting life, praising God, love, and joy.  

I’m not going to lie.  I wish she were here.  That’s selfish, but I’m human.  I am upset she’s missed the last four years of everything that’s happened.  I need her still everyday.  So often I feel robbed that I didn’t get my mom long enough.  Thirty-three years wasn’t enough.  Why was her time here done???   I’ll not know those answers in this lifetime.  I will cling to what I have.  I have memories.  I notice mannerisms that I do that my mom did.  I have pictures, videos, and voicemails.  I had the best mom.  We had a wonderful relationship.  She loved me unconditionally, even in those unloveable teen years.  

She was prim and proper.  She was quiet and kind.  She loved big and gave the best hugs.  She was a submissive wife and a devoted mother.  She always made things equal and fair.  She went out of her way to make you feel special and loved.  

As I yearn to have my mother back, I am thankful that I did have her for 33 years.  I am thankful for our strong relationship and the legacy she left.   I could list a million things I’m thankful for but most of all and by far, I’m thankful for Jesus and our gift of eternal life.  




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